i just wanna soil my oats bro
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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