You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
