you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
