i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
