dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
