yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
