god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
