watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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