Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
