we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
