He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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