if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
NoShamevember. You game?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
