I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
