Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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