She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just threw up on my dentist
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Who wears a wallet chain?!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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