every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
