i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
