Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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