4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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