My room smells like vodka and shame
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
