mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
