Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
