just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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