Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
