3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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