You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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