I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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