I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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