The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
