you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
