You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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