Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
