that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
