I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize