who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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