What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
