I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
