I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
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the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
What drink are we having for lunch?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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