Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Never joke about your clitoris.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
