i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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