Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Randomize