I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm passing your future prison.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I have aggressive nipples.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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