Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
