You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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