you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
