Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
50% drunk capacity currently
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
