did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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