captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
