We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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