Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
