Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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