You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
