my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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