I heard we made out
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize