I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
false alarm, still single
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
