if you like me you must not know who I am
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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