He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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