We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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