I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
