Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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