you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
