no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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