textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
