there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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