Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
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How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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