So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
