I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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