Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
