You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
