Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
