No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
