that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
