I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
