You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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