I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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